


Another Year Better

by SkyWasMadeofAmethyst



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Affection, Aging, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Birthday, F/M, Fluff, Future Plans, Getting Older, Growing Old, Love, Overachiever, Plans For The Future, Worry, perfectionist reader, reassurance, you burn dan's dinosaur cake and tears and a talk is the result
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:09:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17291489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst/pseuds/SkyWasMadeofAmethyst
Summary: Dan's upcoming birthday has to be perfect. It's what you've decided. He deserves perfect. He's seemed so sad lately after all. You know he isn't looking forward to this birthday. Another birthday means Dan will be another year older. It's not something he's entirely thrilled about. So maybe you have been throwing yourself into party planning a little too hard. It's worth it though. If being exhausted and stressed means Dan can have the party he deserves then it's worth it. Perfect is easier said than done though. A burnt cake and an anxiety attack pushes Dan and you into having a serious talk about the future.





	Another Year Better

Finding the perfect stegosaurus cake pan hadn’t been an easy task. Not surprisingly there weren’t a massive amount of stegosaurus shaped cake pans available on the market, but still you had found yourself painstakingly scouring the internet and your limited choices for the best pan to get the job done.

In the end you’d realized you’d just have to go with a smaller silicone stegosaurus shaped pan. It wasn’t the massive pan you’d been hoping for, but the pan you’d decided on at least had five-star reviews on Amazon and seemed to look as though it would form the perfect shape without turning out looking like a dinosaur shaped blob.

It would have to do, even if it wasn’t exactly the pan of your dreams. You’d decided to remedy the fact that the cake would be so much smaller than you’d planned by baking what was probably far too many cupcakes as well.

You knew you were going massively overboard, but you just couldn’t help yourself.

This was Dan’s birthday, and not just any birthday. He was turning 39. Next year he’d be forty. He was kind of dreading this birthday to be honest, he tried to hide it, but you could see the anxiety in his eyes; the realization that he was leaving his thirties behind and officially crossing over the barrier into middle agedom.

You’d tried to give him some gentle reassurances; reminding him that he was only as old as he felt. It had helped a little bit, now he could at least genuinely laugh at the old man jokes Ross kept dropping on him.

Still though he seemed a little bummed about his upcoming birthday. You were almost certain you’d caught him examining the hints of grey in his stubble a deep frown set on his face as he’d brushed his teeth a few weeks ago.

Then there were the little comments he dropped on you; comments about his knees creaking, his back aching, the hint of laugh lines in his cheeks that he insisted were appearing no matter how many times you tried to reassure him that you didn’t notice any lines along his angular face.

It was quite obvious to you that he was struggling a bit with the concept of being another year older.

You had decided that the perfect way to fix his birthday blues was by throwing him the world’s best birthday party. A big party filled with presents, balloons, his friends and his parents who were making the trip out to LA for a few days on your dime, all his favorite foods, and the perfect cake.

You knew all Dan needed was the perfect party surrounded by all of his favorite things and people. A wonderful party was sure to banish any anxieties he had about growing another year older.

You knew you were going overboard, taking on way too much, doing way too much. Your intense need to be a perfectionist had meant that you’d thrown yourself feet first into planning out every last detail of this day; never mind the fact that you were beyond exhausted.

The exhaustion would be worth it you’d insisted. Dan deserved perfect. You’d give him perfect even if it killed you.

He always went above and beyond for you. He deserved the same. He made such a huge deal out of your birthday after all, and Valentines Day, and pretty much any other holiday that he decided warranted celebration.

If it took some exhaustion on your part to give him everything, he deserved then you’d take on the burden.

It had become pretty clear that you had passed running yourself on empty by the third night of doing all the leg work to pull this party off.

There was just one more night to go you’d told yourself. The party was tomorrow night. You just had to work a little longer to give Dan what he deserved then you could crash and recover.

Your body apparently hadn’t gotten that memo though, because after putting the cake into the oven you’d found yourself sitting on the sofa and closing your eyes. It was only supposed to be for a few minutes; just a second to rest your eyes.

You woke to the smell of smoke. You frantically tore yourself from the sofa the smoke alarm in Dan’s and your kitchen letting out a shrill beep as you struggled to work your way through thick gray smoke and make it to the oven.

You barely managed to get the oven open and yank the cake out with the aid of oven mitts when a voice sounded out through the mess of smoke and the beep of the smoke alarm. “Baby? What’s going on?”

You peered through the smoke your cheeks flushed pink as you spotted your concerned boyfriend through the smoky room.

Why’d Dan decide on a mostly open floor plan when he’d purchased this house? Why did he have to see you in the kitchen area the second he walked in?

Of course Dan would come home from work right now, of course he’d walk in right as disaster was striking.

You couldn’t work the words from your throat overcome with frustration at the entire situation as Dan went into action grabbing a broom from the pantry and using it to knock loose the smoke alarm.

He wordlessly shut it off before making his way to a window opening it and allowing the smoke to escape out into the humid night air.

You hadn’t meant to cry, but when you spotted the burnt mess of what had once been a chocolate cake staring back up at you in what had been the perfect cake pan, the tears had started to flow.

Dan took you into his arms the second he spotted the tears. He managed to speak as you sobbed against him feeling so pathetic. “Hey don’t cry, it’s alright babe. It’s just a cake. No one was hurt, nothing was damaged. It was just some smoke and it’s all going right out the window. There’s nothing to cry over. We’re okay.”

You’d burned his birthday cake and you were the one crying, how selfish, a voice in the back of your brain taunted you.

You managed to speak not helping but to voice your shame. “I’m sorry….I’m so sorry…fuck I’m so sorry.”

Dan pulled back from you the concern on his face only deepening his brow furrowing. “Baby, what are you talking about? You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

You shook your head your tears falling more snot beginning to fall from your nose. You were so pathetic, what a giant baby, you were a grown woman for Christ’s sake, stop being such a crybaby, that mean little voice in the back of your brain snapped at you.

“I fucked everything up. This was supposed to be perfect and I screwed it up.” You exclaimed wailing as you buried your face against Dan’s chest soaking his Def Leppard shirt in salty tears and thick snot.

Dan didn’t cringe at the mess. He only pressed his lips to the top of your head a small sigh leaving his lips.

He knew this was coming, this meltdown.

He felt a twinge of guilt begin to form in his gut. He had seen you throwing yourself so hard into this and he’d let you do it. He should have stepped in, he should have told you to rest, he should have stopped you once he noticed you working yourself so hard.

He knew you had a tendency to go a bit overboard when it came to just about every facet of your life. You were such a perfectionist.

It was something he’d noticed from the second you met. The drive to be the best and do your best was what made you such an amazing musician. You were an overachiever. Of course that need to overachieve sometimes meant that you could be an anxiety ridden mess. It was just that you put a lot of stress on yourself. You were never satisfied with your best. You always thought you could do better. 

The need to be better than the best had aided you in your career.

You were a studio musician; a celloist. You had been playing the cello since you were a child. Your parents had shoved you into your first cello lesson when you were still in elementary school. The cello lessons had given you a path for success. Your parents were overachievers too; so of course they thought their only child should follow that path.

You had followed that path; you'd made a career for yourself with music. That career had lead you to Danny. 

NSP had been playing around with some things in the recording studio, just trying to work on the early process of a new album, when their producer had mentioned that he had a friend who might bring something new to the table if Dan and Brian were looking to play around with some new sounds.

You’d been that friend.

For Dan it had been love at first sight and sound.

Needless to say, the feelings had been mutual. You’d fallen for Dan’s voice and just about every other little thing about him.

After a few sessions spent playing around in the studio Dan had asked you out for coffee and you’d never looked back.

It was hard to believe that it had been only a few years before.

Since then your relationship had blossomed. You’d met one another’s families and friends. You’d even moved into his place a few months before. Things had been so perfect.

You’d been happy and for the most part Dan had learned to help you let go of the need to control the situations around you, he’d learned to help you relax just a little bit.

It had seemed though that in the stress of wanting to give him what you’d decided had to be perfect you’d broken yourself.

Dan almost wanted to punch himself in the face for allowing it. He’d always promised that he’d be not only your love but your protector. Protecting you included protecting you from your need to be such a stressed out overworked perfectionist.

He spoke his voice gentle as he began to rub your back doing all he could to soothe you. “I should be the one saying sorry baby girl. I know you’ve been working so hard….you’ve been working too hard…You just started working with that new band and you’ve been coming home and planning this entire party by yourself. I know I’ve been working hard too, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to see when you’re burning out.”

You shook your head your voice cracking your throat feeling like sandpaper as your tears began to cease. You knew you were whining, but you could only work one little word from your lips wanting him to see that this was all on you, you were the one who had fucked up, you were the one who had probably ruined his birthday party. “No.”

You spoke again your brow furrowing your voice muffled you refusing to look up at him. You were so ashamed. You had cried like a little drama queen. Why were you so overdramatic? “I was just trying to give you what you deserve.”

Dan sighed forcing you to pull back from him his hand resting against your cheek though you still refused to let your eyes meet him. “You already give me so much more than I deserve baby.”

You rolled your eyes a huff leaving your lips. “I don’t do nearly as much as you though…I mean you do remember Valentine’s Day, right?”

Dan furrowed his brow trying his best to soothe you and make light of the situation. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before he reached over managing to snatch a towel from the countertop. He wiped your face clean of dried tears, snot, and ruined makeup almost as though you were a small child instead of a grown woman. He finally spoke once he decided your face was spotless. “You mean how I had to work because Brian and I got roped into doing that show with TWRP in New York by Brent.”

You sighed shaking your head at this. “Yeah but you took me with you and we made the best of it…We still had fun…I got to watch you perform and your parents made the trip to see the show….we still had a nice time even if you were too busy for us to do anything on the actual holiday…that next night you made it all up to me. You took me out for a night on the town…you got champagne and a honeymoon suite at the hotel, and you got me this.”

You paused nodding down at the little opal pendent hanging from your neck. It wasn’t extravagant by any stretch of the imagination. It was simple really, just a little oval opal hanging from a silver chain.

Dan had seemed so anxious as he draped it around your neck, worried you’d be disappointed that it was so tiny though his common sense had known that you weren’t the materialistic type. You weren’t some immature entitled twit, but still Dan had told himself that he could have done better. A cruel voice in the back of his brain had told him that he could have gone to some fancy high dollar store and bought you a giant shiny diamond instead of picking some opal necklace he’d found at a vintage shop.

He’d bought the necklace while you were both on that trip to New York. He’d found the time to go out and buy it getting his parents to distract you with lunch.

To be honest he’d been a little unsure of what to buy you. He’d assumed that you wouldn’t be able to spend Valentines Day together, because of the show.

He’d thought he’d be able to just get you something on his own time and present it to you once he made it back to LA.

He’d thought you’d have to work and that work would stop you from joining him in New York. You’d been working with a new band; helping them out in the studio and it had been going terribly.

The band was made up of some young guys who liked to party a little too hard. You’d commented to Dan that this band was a disaster, like one of those bands that VH1 did documentaries on to show how dysfunctional the life of Rockstar could be. The band fought more often than not which meant that recording sessions were constantly put on hold.

You’d assumed that you’d be stuck in LA dealing with immature manchildren Rockstars while Dan got to go to New York to work.

Things had worked out though. You’d managed to escape the studio and join Dan on this trip and Dan had been left trying to plan a late last-minute Valentine’s Day surprise for you.

When he’d given you his gift, he’d felt so foolish for even being worried that you would be unimpressed.

You hadn’t cared that the necklace was so simple, you’d loved it.

Dan had been so sweet when he’d given it to you.

You’d been lying in bed soaking up the afterglow his nude body pressed to yours sharing soft kisses and I love yous. Dan’s cheeks had flushed as he’d scrambled out of bed his voice shaky and apologetic. “Fuck, I’m an idiot. I almost forgot.”

When he’d made his way back into bed with you, he’d presented you with a little box professionally wrapped in bright pink paper with a little heart shaped tag stuck to the wrapping job.

You’d felt teary eyed as you’d opened the gift the words leaving your lips. “Can you help me put it on.”

You’d peppered kisses across Dan’s body after he’d clasped the necklace around your neck. You’d moved on top of him riding him out that necklace swinging between your breasts as you’d shown him just how much you adored the necklace and him.

Dan felt a small smile cross his lips at the memory. He shrugged his shoulders not seeing the point you were trying to make. “It was the least I could do. It was Valentine’s Day.”

You shook your head the stubborn need to be right and play the martyr surging through you. “It’s more than that…I mean you do way more than that for me. You make a giant deal out of my birthday…You rented a cabin for my last birthday Danny…took me away on a romantic trip and everything. And the birthday before that you took me to that Sushi place…Katsuya…You told me you were doing all the ordering for both of us…tried to play it off as a romantic gesture but I found out you wouldn’t let me see the menu because everything on it cost a fortune…and when I said it was too much you insisted that it didn’t matter because it was my birthday.”

You paused shaking your head. “I figured I kind of needed to up my game on your birthdays.”

Dan let out a huff his brow furrowing. “You always make my birthdays great. On that first birthday you took me camping and we slept under the stars…you gave me that awesome necklace. On my last birthday you took me to that cool little Thai place and you gave me that awesome quilt made out of old band tees….you spent so much time trying to find all those old t-shirts on Ebay and even more time and money getting the fabric together and playing someone to sew it for me. I’ve been really happy with your game on my birthdays.”

You couldn’t stop the words from leaving your lips. “But you seemed so sad about this birthday…you were so upset about getting older….I just, I wanted to make getting older seem less scary.”

Dan felt his heart sink at this confession. Yes he had been taking getting older a little hard. He knew it was silly and more than a little vain.

He’d felt like such a cliché; standing in the mirror scowling at the hints of gray in his beard cringing when in certain lighting he spotted that same hint of grey in his wild curls. He’d been hitting the gym hard, so hard his body ached. He’d been dieting even harder insisting that it was time to concentrate on healthy eating…he wasn’t getting any younger and he had to take care of his body.

The gym and the dieting wasn’t a big deal, you’d been working with him making some changes yourself. You had encouraged him in his attempts to be healthy, admitting that you could stand to take better care of yourself too.

It had been nice working out together, being healthier together.

And it had been paying off, Dan felt a little stronger, had more energy.

Still though Dan’s stomach dropped when he stared at himself in the mirror little signs of being another year older staring back at him.

He felt so stupid when he thought about it, but he almost felt age creeping up on him…threatening to show him that he wasn’t as young as he used to be.

He’d been trying hard not to veer into a cliché mid life crisis. He’d thought he was doing a good job, after all he hadn’t bought a motorcycle or a sports car and he wasn’t wearing leather pants or going to nightclubs or binge drinking more than his body could handle.

Despite his dedication to staying far away from the typical behaviors of someone veering into a serious pathetic mid life crisis, he’d still been unable to hide the dread of getting older.

He hadn’t realized how obvious he’d been. He felt the words leave his lips. “I’m…I guess I’ve been a little panicky.”

He paused his cheeks flushing as he spoke again wanting to explain himself forcing himself to say the words out loud, to admit just why getting older bothered him so much. “It’s….it’s kind of stupid when I say it out loud. I guess we should have talked about it sooner…I mean.”

He paused shame still looming over him. He stared down to the side of the room refusing to meet your eyes. “You’re younger than me…It’s never been an issue…I mean we’ve never cared about it. We connected right from the start. The decade between us never felt like a giant deal…even when my friends made jokes about it…I’ve…I’ve managed to have confidence that the age difference doesn’t matter to you…that you love me and don’t care…that I look young for my age and most people don’t know that I’m ten years older than you….but… It’s so stupid when I say it all out loud. I know I’ve said that but it’s so true…It sounds so dumb…but I spotted the gray in my stubble and it sent me into a stupid fucking tailspin….I knew what the grey meant…I’m getting older and my brain latched on to it. I’m not as young as I used to be. My knees creak when I stand up…my back aches more and more…I’m getting older and there’s still so much I have to do. There’s still so much living that I want to do. There’s still so much I want to do with my career, there’s so much I want to see, so much I want to do. I’m getting older and it feels like time is catching up to me….taking away the days I have left to do everything I want to do…everything I want us to do together.”

He paused rolling his eyes still refusing to look at you as he let it all out. He found himself saying every fear that had been dancing in his head for months now. “I know I sound so melodramatic…I’m not like…ya know suffering from a terminal illness and dying, counting down the time I have left to make my dreams come true….I’m healthy, I’m happy, I’m surrounded by the people that mean the most to me. My brain won’t let go of this anxiety though…this stupid fear that even if I’m not like ya know actively dying that I’m still getting older, and in a way that’s kind of like I’m dying…I know that makes me sound like a stupid asshole…not even just a dumbass, but an overdramatic insensitive dumbass….there are people out there who are actually dying and they wake up every day and keep going, yet I’m here whining that I’m getting older and it makes me feel like I’m dying like some sort of jackass.”

He paused again taking a deep breath his heart feeling lighter and lighter the longer he spoke. He felt better the more he let off his chest. “I know I hopefully won’t die until I’m a very very old man….I mean my family…we live for a long time…it’s in our genes. I know I’m being so dramatic….I mean I’m not afraid to die. Me dying doesn’t mean that life won’t still go on just fine without me. When I die the world will keep on spinning and the sun will still rise and set…I know I’m not the reason the sun rises….I came to the conclusion that death isn’t scary a long time ago….If anything I’m just afraid that getting older means I have less time to make all my dreams come true…and I don’t mean just my career…I mean the dreams I have with you…the things I want with you…travelling together so we can see the world, marrying you…enjoying being married, then when we’re ready having some kids…growing old together and maybe getting some grandkids out of the deal. I’m getting older, and the older I get the less time I have to make all those dreams come true.”

You stared up at him your heart aching for him, for all his fears, all his anxieties. You understood how he felt. Time could move so fast sometimes, life came at you so quickly sometimes.

You’d had talks like this before, about life and death. It was the one thing you’d loved about him from the start; your ability to talk about such serious things together…to have such deep conversations.

You’d never heard such fear in his voice before though, such worry. It made you want to gather him up in your arms and cradle him against you, protect him from all his fear.

You placed a hand against his cheek forcing him to look at you as you found the words to say to at least help him understand that he had nothing to fear. “Listen to me Leigh Daniel, we have time. I know you might not believe me, but you said it yourself, you aren’t dying. You’re right here.”

You paused placing a hand against his heart as you spoke again. “Your heart is beating strong. I can feel it beating right now. You’re healthy. I’m healthy…we’ve been working on that right? Getting healthy together.”

He paused a weak smile crossing his lips as he nodded his head in agreement.

You gave him a smile pressing a quick chaste kiss to his lips as you spoke again. “We have time to travel and we have time to get everything we want together. There’s no rule that says your life stops after forty Danny. As far as you being older than me, who gives a rat’s ass? You’re right, it’s never bothered anyone who mattered. So why should that change?”

You pressed another kiss to his lips as you spoke. “I know getting older is scary, but good things can be scary sometimes. Being older means you’re another year better in my opinion.”

Dan let out a laugh his lips pressing to your temple as he soaked up your reassurances. He closed his eyes allowing you to tuck your head under his chin your lips pressing to his adams apple as he found himself rocking you against him.

He frowned his stomach rolling when it hit him he’d mentioned marriage and babies in the middle of his rant about how much getting older freaked him out….this wasn’t how he had pictured bringing up the idea to you.

He managed to speak his stomach rolling needing to say the words out loud hoping that joking about it made it less anxiety inducing. “I didn’t scare you off with marriage and baby talk….right?”

You peered up at him giving him a small smile. “Nope…I’m ready when you are…I mean.”

You paused your cheeks flushing as you spoke again. “I’m not proposing…and I’m not suggesting we go to the bedroom and knock me up right this second….I just, I mean…I’m not opposed to any of it.”

Dan felt a smile cross his lips relief washing over him when it hit him that you weren’t going to run away screaming just because he’d mentioned putting a ring on your finger and a baby in you.

He pressed a kiss to your lips as he spoke. “I’m not proposing….not right now…but ya know….something might be coming soon…just a heads up.”

You felt your heart do a little dance at this confession. You tried to play it cool, but you knew the excitement was apparent in your eyes. “Oh…well if that’s the case…just a heads up from me, the answer will absolutely be yes.”

Dan was unable to stop himself from pressing his lips back to yours. When the need for air became too much to ignore he pulled back managing to speak again. “Another heads up….the having a baby thing might just come up on the honeymoon….I mean if that’s okay with you?”

You smiled a bit shocked as any anxiety the thought of having a kid might have drug up in the past faded as quickly as it came. “I think I am just fine with that.”

You stroked Dan’s cheek he unable to stop himself from leaning into your touch. You spoke your heart so full all the exhaustion and stress you’d placed yourself under trying to pull this party off fading from your brain. "I love you."

Dan smiled continuing to lean into your touch his voice soft and somewhat dreamy as he replied to your statement clearly soaking in the moment. "I love you too." 

Who needed perfect? This moment right here, was the definition of perfect.

You spoke a small nervous smile crossing your lips as you thought of the burnt mess on the stove and the party that you would now need a cake for. You were relieved that you no longer felt that horrible sense of dread when you thought of the party and all the ways it could go wrong. “I may need to call a bakery first thing in the morning….see if I can get a cake that isn’t charcoal flavored.”

Dan snorted at this as he peered back at the burnt mess on the stove. “Was that cake going to be a stegosaurus? “

You barely had time to work a "yes" from your lips when Dan pressed his lips to yours. He pulled back the words falling from his lips. “I love it.”

“I burnt it.” You pointed out a small laugh leaving your lips at the excited dopey grin on Dan’s lips.

He let out a huff shaking his head. “So…I can still love it.”

He continued to hold you against him still rocking you close to him as exhaustion began to cloud your mind all the stress melting away as you realized Dan’s party would be okay no matter what happened.

You were proven right by this belief as Dan spoke his voice soft. “Getting older won’t be so bad.”

You smiled nodding your head. “It won’t. And we have time to make our dreams come true, right?”

Dan nodded his head his voice still so soft. “Yes we do…and it’s going to be perfect.”

You smiled even more as you took in his words.

Perfect, that’s exactly what it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I know Dan will be turning forty this upcoming birthday, but I decided to write this as though it was his last birthday.


End file.
